Those who remember will know that, at the start of the new year, I tentatively resolved to write, publish a photo or artwork, or basically produce and share something creative every day. Well, true to form, I have not done that. But, the reason I haven't done much writing about life is because I've been too busy living it, and I feel like that is a forgivable sin.
My social media project for the summer, #livelovecreate2016, was, in my own estimation, successful. I had determined at the start of summer to set up my sails, creatively and relationally, and let the Holy Spirit be my guide. And He was. Artistically, I was able to develop a few skills that had begun to grow stale, and learn a few that I had never tried before. Relationally, He led me, and is still leading me, in the process of laying foundations for future avenues of joy, encouragement, and love.
Yet now, ironically, as teaching work has started back and the demands on my time are significantly greater, I feel the need to slow down and write well up inside of me. This summer was for living. Now is the time for reflection - a steadied look back that will, I hope, lend perspective to the present, and give hope to the future.
Today is Monday, and with it I feel the full weight of the weeks and months ahead - all of the lessons I need to create, the parents I need to call, the papers I need to grade, the meetings I need to attend, the kids I need to fill with inspiration, and confidence, and knowledge, and hope, and love. I feel this every Monday. I feel this every day. And I feel overwhelmed by it all, incapable, insufficient for the task at hand. Alone, I constantly feel so - not enough. Yet, even though I feel this way constantly, and the myriad versions of my own voice reverberate in the maze of my mind, I always hear a voice - quiet, with calm authority: "Who are you?"
"Are you not who I say you are - redeemed, holy, guiltless before the Father, without condemnation, full of Holy Spirit power, adopted and a co-inheritor with Christ of God's glory?"
"Do you not have what I say you have - everything - all grace, knowledge, and power necessary for living a Godly life?"
"Can you not do what I say you can do - forgive when it's hard, help till it hurts, give hope in the dark, serve when you're exhausted, and love through your brokenness?"
In those thousand moments a day, God graciously reminds me with assurance of who He is and, thereto, who I am in HIm.
So yeah, I'm exhausted. I'm attacked by anxiety every day. I'm fighting back fear every day. I do battle with despair every day - but, by the grace of God, I will not be deterred. Like the prophet Isaiah wrote thousands of years ago, "I have set my face like flint, and I will not be moved." This is my calling - to love the people God has placed in my life - family, friends, my girlfriend, co-workers, employers, my students - and to be a man of integrity, even if no one else will.
